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Falsitas hominum admixtis Scripturis
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jonahrbarnes
Jan 27, 20231 min read
Deseret Book Now Just Selling General Authority Trading Cards
"No one reads the books anyways," said the spokesman. "So we're simplifying." SALT LAKE CITY, Utah -- Deseret Book will be closing the...
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jonahrbarnes
Jan 27, 20231 min read
Detectives Track Down LDS Criminals By Tracing "Fibers of Being" Left at Crime Scenes
"In forensics, you gotta follow the science, and their fibers are a dead giveaway." SALT LAKE CITY, Utah -- Law enforcement has unveiled...
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jonahrbarnes
Jan 26, 20231 min read
NBA Launches New Scouting Program for LDS Church Basketball Leagues
"We tried social justice and that didn't work." NEW YORK, New York -- The National Basketball Association has announced that it will...
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jonahrbarnes
Dec 30, 20222 min read
LDS Church Installs New Cheerio-Print Chapel Floors
"It confuses the toddlers, but hides the mess," announced the Church in a Statement The scene is a familiar one. The meeting is over and...
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jonahrbarnes
Dec 30, 20223 min read
LDS Church Issues New Neck Pillows for Use on High Council Sunday
"We need to be ergonomic as well as spiritual." Salt Lake City, UT -- In the wake of the holistic movement, and giving a nod towards the...
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