"It confuses the toddlers, but hides the mess," announced the Church in a Statement
The scene is a familiar one. The meeting is over and hearts are full. But the floor is covered in unsightly cheerios, discarded by the congregation's toddlers. Everyone gingerly steps out of the meeting like they are crunching over a gentle snowfall of cheerios and goldfish. The babies start trying to race their mother and eat the discarded snacks faster than she can pick them up.
"I thought, there's got to be a better way!" said Julie Bifferchamp, local quilter and interior designer with 150 subscribers on instagram. "We clean and we clean and it gets us no where. You might as well stretch forth your arm and try to stop the coursing of the Missouri River as well as stop the toddlers from covering the ground with cheerios."
That's when she had the idea for the cheerio-print chapel floor. Bifferchamp's idea went viral online and was noticed by Church authorities.
"Now they'll blend right in!" said Gert Thrackenpuff, Director of Church Special Construction. "Now the entire place will look like it's built on a frozen lake of cheerios!"
The trademark rights to Cheerio were acquired by the LDS Church from General Mills after it was discovered that all the executives' wives were actually Latter-day Saints. Additionally, the marketing department saw this as a huge opportunity to have their product plastered all over the floors of LDS Chapels.
"Our product is used mostly by the Saints and horses," said one marketing executive at General Mills. "Thanks to Sister Bifferchamp, we're now thinking about cheerio print barn-flooring."
Test groups gave the new carpeting high marks, though toddlers seemed a little confused.
"It's mesmerizing, really," commented one youth in the test group. "It made me hungry."
One little boy opened up his bottle and just poured his milk out all over the floor. He then began sucking on the new carpet.
A second version of the flooring in Goldfish is expected for release in 2023.
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