A solemn new respect, and pity, has been found for the Book of Mormon prophet.
Provo, UT -- Researchers at Brigham Young University in Provo Utah, *** have uncovered disturbing new details relating to one of the the Book of Mormon's most beloved characters. The Brother of Jared, who enjoyed years of anonymity before Joseph Smith Jr. identified as being named "Mahonri Moriancumr" has been further unmasked. Dutiful researchers pouring over primary sources in the Hard B. Lee Library Special Collections have discovered his full legal name "Mahonri Jingleheimer Moriancumr" as revealed in journal entries destined to be included in the next edition of the Joseph Smith Papers.
"We couldn't believe it," said head researcher Dr. Bjork Fegelstrom-Scmidt. "Before our very eyes it said 'Jingleheimer'. At first we were excited, but then the realization set in." The researcher leaned back, shaking his head, "That's my name too."
Realizing the gravity of the revelation, the team's lead researcher shrugged in utter disbelief. "The revelation has caused such a stir in academic circles," lamented head researcher Dan Jacobs, "that, whenever we go out, the people always shout!" He pauses, realizing what just happened before his colleague Michael John takes over, noting that discoveries like this are usually joyous ones, the researchers said they felt a pang of sorrow.
"Oh! The poor guy!" Dr. John of the Maxwell Institute said. "It was bad enough already, but c'mon, Jingleheimer?!"
Archeologists hypothesize that the word Jingleheimer was an Adamic word meaning "forever single".
*** Also known colloquially as "the real BYU"
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