“We’re positive on this one!” said Rana Jeiss, editor the Tribune. "It’s old, right? And I'm pretty sure it's a daguerrotype, so...it’s gotta be him!"
Salt Lake -- Once again the Salt Lake Tribune has triumphantly announced a ground-breaking discovery: an original photograph of Joseph Smith Jr. founding Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints, in stunning tintype black and white.
Actually a daguerreotype, the image was discovered in box in a barn on the shores of Ness lake in Scotland. The elation was immediate.
"We knew this was the one," said chief editor Rana Jeiss. "It's kinda grainy, and there's a top hat. There can be no debate. If he had sleeves, I'm sure frills would be coming out too." However, esteemed journalist of un-impeachable reputation declared, "I think those are sunglasses, not a top hat!"
The Tribune has launched a full scale attack in print to pressure the LDS Church to redo absolutely all images of Joseph Smith Jr. in response to the sunglasses/top-hat-wearing leviathan.
"The portraits painted of Joseph while he was still alive, by people who actually saw and knew him," Jeiss scoffed. "They don't look ANYTHING like this! There's no long sleek neck, or protruding scaly jaws. I'm questioning whether or not those are Hoffman forgeries at this point."
Already the photograph has spurred the University of Utah's history department into action.
"It's become apparent since the Tribune's monumental discovery," said head U of U's American History department, Dr. Phillipe Du Frommage. "That Joseph Smith Jr. enjoyed wading around in water a lot. He enjoyed just swimming around and sticking his 16-foot long neck out of the water and looking around him. This is a side of Joseph we never knew."
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, however, remains unconvinced.
"Yeah, ... I'm not so sure about that ... " said Dr. Reid Nielson, head of the Church History Department. "I mean, why wouldn't he remove his hat when swimming?"
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